she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
