I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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