i just had sex bonerless
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This baby is an asshole
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize
