i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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