i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
