but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
