My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
