They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
