Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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