Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I could fuck to npr.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
