You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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