We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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