help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
