I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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