At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
