He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dicks are not precious.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
