Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How does it feel to date your dad?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
