Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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