Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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