Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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