I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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