dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
