I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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