So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
