he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my being single is dangerous.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
