I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
