I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
