I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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