i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
