I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
