I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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