In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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