i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
