is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
