dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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