I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
