Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
