Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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