Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I party with great urgency now.
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