I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
