I'm so fucking centered right now
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
