WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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