help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
