legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
