How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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