I wish I could teleport
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
And then he peed in my hair
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