Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
