You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
