Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
