i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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