and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
