Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
