It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Is it because I queefed?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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